My heart is changing toward grief and suffering. I have spent my life with a tremendous amount of anxiety about bad things happening. Fighting against it. Praying against it. Desperately desiring to protect my "perfect" little world. I can tell you that I still struggle with every story of a tragic accident, a new cancer diagnosis, the loss of a beloved spouse, and the unthinkable true crime story of an abduction. My mind immediately inserts myself in the story and I wonder how anyone could ever survive a moment like that. I remember reading The Shack many years ago. Many people had strong feelings about this book, but the part that haunted me was the idea that something so unthinkable could happen to this little girl, but that God would be with this Daddy and prepare him to walk through it. My heart is still unable to grasp this, yet in some ways I have experienced it. The heartbreak of losing someone so precious to me. I sat down to write this as a client post with some pictures, but instead these words are tumbling out, along with tears as I realize that today is Mother's Day. We often use the words "Life and Death" together, yet somehow we struggle with the reality of death. I have often said that disappointment is the result of unmet expectations (Mother's Day can certainly be a reminder of the truth of this!). Yet, how is it that our hearts are so devastated by something that we should expect?

My heart. 

We were not Created for death. But sin entered the world. The beauty of the Gospel is the hope beyond the devastation of loss, death and grief. Our struggles aren't a result of a grumpy God throwing down lightning bolts of punishments or taking away everything precious for us so that we will love Him most, but rather a gracious God using the circumstances that are a result of sin entering the world and working it for our good. 

Giving hope. 

I recently read that life would not be good without suffering. Over the past few weeks I have been meditating on this idea. It isn't a comfortable thought, but the more I have considered it, the more I realize the truth in it. Through suffering we cultivate empathy. Through suffering we develop authentic relationships. Through suffering we develop deeper gratitude and appreciation. Life is so precious. I have a difficult time reconciling cherishing and loving each other while also keeping a spirit of surrender, a reality of loss, and an eternal hope. Remembering that life is just a vapor that you see for just a moment, but then it disappears (James 4:14).

So, how shall we live?

“This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.
John 15:12

This Mother's Day there are many on my heart that are experiencing suffering, joy, or both. Some are purchasing grave flowers rather than a fresh bouquet for their mom. Some are experiencing pure joy as they join their the motherhood club for the first time. Some are treasuring up each moment that they have together, not knowing how many more they have together. Some are celebrating that even though they only had their mom in their life for 12 years, those years had a life-long impact. Whatever you are experiencing today, I pray that you would feel loved in a special way.